final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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