you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
