So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
