we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
This baby is an asshole
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Randomize
