Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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