The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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