just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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