Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
