I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
