New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
