the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
