My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
