you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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