hotel room ftw
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
