**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's blow job season.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
