girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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