Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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