Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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