omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
