My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
