Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
