So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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