Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
