I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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