I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
