You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
