At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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