he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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