Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
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When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
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I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?