just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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