wrigley field is MILF paradise
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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