I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
