I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
