"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
