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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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