all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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