every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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