He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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