well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
