if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
