um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
he fucked my hip out of place.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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