We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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