I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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