so that wasnt chicken after all
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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