i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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