did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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