I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'm always down for nudity.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
