He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
