I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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