Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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