I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
