Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
