I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
