If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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