Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
