2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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