You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
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After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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