possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
