im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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