I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize