i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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