are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize