The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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