So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
