Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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