Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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