Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
from now on my penis is your penis
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
