i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
areolas are like halos for boobs.
There r osticjed everywhere
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
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