She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
