dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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