hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
