God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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