she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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