im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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