the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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