Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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