never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
