The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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