ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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